Saturday, April 9, 2011

Annihilators #2 Review continued - Rocket Raccoon, just cosmic road kill to me

WARNING! I'm about to put Christian Bale's rant on the set of Terminator 4 to shame.

What the fuck is wrong with every body as of A#2!? All I'm seeing all over the internet is all this bitching and moaning about every little thing about the Annihilator's story while at the same time there's all these circle jerks going around about Rocket Raccoon. RR is about as cool when it comes to Marvel Cosmic stories as Howard the fucken Duck is! As if the idea of a sentient raccoon being part of the mainstream Marvel Universe isn't pretty I'll conceived in the first place.
So we've seen him so far in this "Office Space" kinda rip off as a mail clerk and in this latest issue he's fighting along side with gun totting mushrooms and squirrels against killer clowns from outer space. And since the squirrel had to go ahead and use a line from the first Batman film (as in Tim Burton not Chris Nolan) it's a wonder there wasn't a mention about TPS reports in the first RR story. Oh yeah, and then of course there's the cyborg pigeons. I haven't seen anything so fucken retarded since the Batman movie that had the Penguin. Remember that army of cyborg penguins? Look, some 40 year old virgin out there actually tattooed that to his fucken arm. Who wants to bet me that dude is probably a Rocket Raccoon fan too? To illustrate what I'm talking about here is a portion of a review that makes me absolutely nauseous, the bold face stuff especially:

That's why it's so heartening to have Rocket Raccoon and Groot acting as backup. All the humor and zany energy missing from the first feature seems to have drained into the second. This segment is frequently hilarious, but also touching as the two friends reunite. And you haven't quite lived until you've seen a militant mushroom and a bazooka-toting squirrel spit action movie one-liners. Humor, heart, and balls-to-the-wall action. This is what I expect from my Cosmic Marvel stories.

I don't know weather I should get this guy a box of kleenex or a tampon. What the fuck is this? Broke Back Planet or something? It gives a whole knew meaning to the term back story. We'll let me tell ya, my back side hurts every time I have to drop $5 for 20 pages of an actual Cosmic Marvel story knowing that a large portion of that cover price is for stupid shit that makes retards like the guy who wrote that review happy.
Rocket Raccoon is lame and was a concept that was only fitting for something like Star Comics of the 1980s that featured titles like Heathcliffe, Ewoks, Planet Terry and the fucken Carebears! So for all you panzie asses that are practically having an orgasm over the RR back story I hope the next time you take out your garbage you find a raccoon waiting for you by the trash. They're not cute little cosmic super heroes, those fuckers are mean!


  1. I also read that review, and when he said "This is what I expect from my Cosmic Marvel stories" I new this guys opinion was no longer valid. I'm tired of marvel editorial feeling like they need to be in complete control of everything so it fits into there next event. Just give Abnett and Landing complete control and I promise the sales and quality will vastly improve.

  2. well i can tell you that at least two comic shops in my area having been moving this book pretty quickly. so i'm guessing that's the case for most comic shops. but with idiots like these reviewers who are in love with RR i can't be sure if those sales are because of The Annihilators or because of the RR back story. i guess we'll just have to see how this plays out in the coming months. by the way, reviews on youtube are now up just type in the word search "Annihilators#2 reviews". and thanks again for your comment i hope you got a laugh out of the posting.

  3. Well, one good thing came of it Dave, I got to read your rant about it. Funniest thing I've read all day. But hey, as long as the sales stay up, and the Annihilators keep getting published long enough to make it into trade paperback, I'm happy, even if we have to put up with idiots and their simpering reviews. From the sounds of it, RR does sound a lot like the old Star comics, and shouldn't be stuck in the middle of a major book. It should have it's own book and be sold for the kids, just like they used to be (cough cough, yes my Dad used to buy me Ewoks and Terry. Sorry. I didn't know any better.)

  4. HEY!
    I have many raccoons that romp around on my back deck and in my yard.
    The wife and I LOVE those little critters.

    They always carry around "raccoon money" (rocks) to "pay" for the food they eat from the bowls we leave for the local fauna.

    We have water bowls out and they wash their hands before eating and when they are done, they leave some small rocks in the food bowl as "payment".
    They have to carry them, since there ARE no rocks on our deck.

    I think that's pretty darn nifty.

    And while we watch them (and the possums and skunks and other fuzzies who frequent our outdoor menagerie) from the safety of behind glass doors, I have come up against a few of them face-to-face on occasion, and they are all very well behaved towards me.
    (Mind you, I'm not about to try to rub any bellies!)

    As for ROCKET RACOON... truthfully, I;m not crazy about the character.
    I don't loathe him, but I really don't see him as anything I need be concerned about.

    Yes. Spending the extra $ on a comic JUST for the back-up with he and Groot is annoying, I look at it as: what if the back-up were about an obscure character that I actually liked?

    Then, I'd be glad to see them presented.

    To some people, that fave character is RR *and/or Groot).

    Hey. Sentient Tree-beings are pretty cool.
    I'll even allow for the Raccoons that live inside of them.

    But that's just me.

    Your rant was still pretty effin' funny.



  5. just for the record i'm not all that crazy about the Groot character either. he reminds me too much of those giant tree guys from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. but i don't have anything against the concept of sentient plants. Zahn from Farscape was a plant. but having been played by Virgina Hey i must say that gave some real meaning to the concept of ripe grape fruits. by the way Hey was at the S.F. Wonder Con last weekend. Plus, i've also been a Swamp Thing fan for many years now which is yet another variation of the sentient vegetation concept. as far as sentient animals go if your gonna go that route do something like the Cosmo character. that works better for me.

  6. Okay Dave...leave the Ents out of it. And they weren't tree beings...they were tree-herders. Totally different. : )
    And ~P~..your description of the racoons was pretty freakin' hilarious in and of itself...and completely accurate. Reminds me of the squirrels we had in Georgia.

  7. sentient Raccoon? I don't remember him from my comic days. Is he new?

    There's something that I do remember though, the fanboy reviewers (take your pick, Marvel, DC, Image, all had their own in their respective back pockets) who will gush about even the worst titles. The guy has no shame. Makes me glad I got out of it when I did. Oh wait, you guys got me back in again. Friggin' jerks.

  8. I don't know if this is worth anything to you, but I just wanted to point out that Rocket Raccoon is a Bill Mantlo (co-)creation. With Spaceknights, Dire Wraiths, and Rocket going back to the Keystone Quadrant, that makes the combined issues kind of a big Mantlo love fest.

  9. i'm in denial about Mantlo having anything to do with creating the abomination known as Rocket Raccoon.

  10. Denial is a wonderful state of being. I use it for many things. Such as the entire series known as "Dancing with the Stars"

  11. RR is full r Tard but, don't mess with Howard. Whatevs about the movie but, Steve Gerber's run and all the Man Thng x-overs were EPIC. But, also satire. He frekin ran against Nixon and actually got quite a bit of write-in votes. Just cuz he's an animal,let's not put him in same category as R Tard Racoon.